Worst Jokes Ever
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.
Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.
Why was Michael Jackson at Kmart?
He heard they had little boys' pants 1/2 off.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot.
I would make a joke about your mom, but cows are sacred in my country.
Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?
What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.
Dark humor is like water.
Not everybody gets it.
What do you call a white duck?
A quacker.
I bought a rainbow gun, but for some reason it doesn’t shoot straight.
I hope you get raped by a chimp in the forest
Obama was America's first black president, and Trump was their first orange one.
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video."
Did you know that the F in orphan means family?
There's no F in orphan?
Exactly.
I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"
Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.