Worst Jokes Ever
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter's dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Your secret is safe with me. I walnut tell a soul.
You pecan do it!
Pistachio can’t, but pe-can.
One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.
What is sticky, but it cannot stick a stick?
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
Start a RATIO chain.
So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."
Yo mama so fat that when she saw Thanos and he tried to snap her out of existence, it didn't work, and he said, "Man, I quit!"
Do you know the teacher that went up into space?
You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."
Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.
Me: They're certainly not wrong.
Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!
The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.