Worst Jokes Ever

Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?

He fingered a minor.

What do you call a swearing piece of shit?

Cus-turd.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Rabid cow.

Rabid cow who?

Hold on, I need to get my gun....

I am having a shit and there[sic] nothing else to read.

Why don't wheelchairs have pedals, so when their arms get tired, they can keep going with their feet?

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

Yeah, Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah.

I gave her everything. She took my heart and left me lonely. I've been broken, heart's contentious. I won't fix, I'd rather weep. I'm lost and I'm found, but It's torture being in love. I love when you're around But I fucking hate when you leave. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah). Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and low, yeah. I'm sad and low, yeah.

Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."

How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.

Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack.

Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?

Because he fell off his wheelchair.

What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?

"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."

Old members come back, we’re bullying the pussies and idiots off the site.

What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?

Your camera.

What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?

I cried when I cut up the onions.

What is worse than seeing your sibling drown?

Getting the water bill.

What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

Chuck Norris is a genius for this: Walker Texas Ranger = Wrangler Karate Sex.

Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.