Worst Jokes Ever
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost.
So as they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun." And the man from New York said, "Bring me a gun as well!"
The guy was confused but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For the France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started shooting and laughing like a mad man and said. 3 men lived through this and one said to the others, "Well...sh!# that didn't go as planned."
What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?
Your dick shots longer.
I blend children to make a good living.
Why are Americans bad at chess? Because they lost two towers.
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
I'ma tell these to my adopted sister.
Why is the dog having KFC? Because the dog has no friends.
Me: punching a kid.
My FBI agent: You're adopted.
Why did a cheetah fart? It needed more gas.
I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.
I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras, but then I heard popping behind me!
How do you get a baby to stop crying?
Simple... you staple its mouth shut.
What has a head and tail but no legs?
A penny.
How many apps did he download?
Well, he did run out of storage.
What do you call the day before Christmas Eve? Christmas Adam.
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
John took a bath with bubbles.
Bubbles was a man.
Electricity.
Eggs
You crack me up!