Worst Jokes Ever
Life is beautiful, but you are ugly.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
What brakes but never falls, and what falls but never brakes?
Answer: Night falls and dawn brakes.
What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?
Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.
Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh, I guess I better not spread it.
What's the fastest way to Shepherd's Bush?
Up Shepherd's leg.
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
Do you wanna hear a joke about vegetables? Never mind, it's too corny.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,
If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?
You poke it on.
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.