Worst Jokes Ever

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

A man and his friend walk into a bar on a 30-story building and order a drink of beer. Then one of the men jumps out the window and he can fly, so he says to his mate, "Gary, take a sip of this drink, it makes you fly!" So Gary takes a sip of the drink, jumps out the window, and dies. And the bartender says, "Gee, Superman, you're a douche when you drink!"

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?

They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

I'ma tell these to my adopted sister.

Why is the dog having KFC? Because the dog has no friends.

What has two legs and bleeds?

Half a cat.

Hi! I love my dog.

How do I feed the baby with my pants on?

Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."

So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"

And then she died.

When you say, "I'm high!"

But then you fall off.

A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.

They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.

There were two twin brothers, Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girlfriend while Lucas stayed single.

A few weeks later, Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend, and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe, I know we're twins, but I'm Marcus, and that's Lucas you were kissing." And his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."

What is the difference between cremation and smoking?

While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.

There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.

I lost my luggage at an airport once. I sued the airline, but I lost the case...

What do you call a man who lost his car??

Carlos

What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?

They're both crazy and now dead.

Why is the sun lit?

Because it has much solar.

What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?

A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.

Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?

Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"