Worst Jokes Ever
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, I will kill your family.
What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
I tried to catch fog, but I mist.
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
In Soviet Russia,
You love Chinese and hate Chinese.
What does an emo kid and an apple have in common?
They both are hanging.
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Friend: You look like a baboon.
Me: Stop talking, you look like a gorilla, so I might call animal control on you and I'll be seeing you at the zoo!
Stephen Hawking has enough money to stand up, but can’t grab the money.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?
What did Jim say to Jeff?
"I killed your ham."
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?
Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife.