Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
Only one of them stops sucking after you slap it.
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?
Bc they're good at it.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I can't put it down.
What do you call a reverse exorcism?
It's where a demon pulls a priest out of a child.
Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
Why did the priest buy a clown suit?
Because the old one had blood all over it.
Why do orphans hate Costco? Because they can't get in and try the free samples.
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!
Look at my name and you'll see the joke (read it out loud).
How does the cheetah do in every race?
It’s always a cheetah.
What two things can you never have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.
Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Somebody threw an EMP at him.
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.
So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."
My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"
I said, "Literally."
10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.
I have nut cancer...
Your mummy so skinny, she can't eat!