Worst Jokes Ever
Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
What do you call a Chinese hooker that won't get on her knees?
Cantonese...
A boy named Jimmy was riding to Hell to save his brothers and sister. That is the last place he pissed. There came across the Devil.
Part 1
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
Hey.
Girl: Hey.
Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.
Girl: What?
It says "spray on flat surfaces."
I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.
Yo mama so fat, I couldn't see the store.
No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.
Kenya? Ligma balls!
There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.
I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*
Why can’t Santa have kids?
He only cums once a year.
What two things can you never have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
Michael Jackson is like a TV from the 1900s: black and white.
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?
The cat says "me toooo!"
A child molester and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!