Worst Jokes Ever
So there was a school shooting in Florida. Why didn't the shooter just go to Disney?.......sorry, I just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.
Why did Sally run into a tree?
She is blind.
Deaf people suck lots of dicks.
They can't hear!
You know Sally? She's dead now.
Why did the kid who was blind, in jail, need light to see? He didn't, he needed to braille his way out.
Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.
Why didn't the squirrel want to go swimming? Because he didn't want to get his nuts wet!
Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes... rice-less!
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken was in 666 pieces after being molested by Gerard brutally with a rail gun covered in spears covered in his lymph. His beak was ripped open and shoved in his feet after glass shards were shoved into his eyes until they came out the other side. His feet were nailed to the ground.
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
What’s worse than dropping your ice cream?
The Holocaust.
The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.
You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.
What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.
Donald Trump announced he will run for prez today. His hair will on Friday.
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
What's the difference between a sports car and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a sports car in my garage.