Worst Jokes Ever

Why did the dog walk out at night?

To scare his people!

What is a guide dog 🐶 that cannot walk? A useless guide 🐶.

But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom jeans!

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Cow says,

"Cow says who?"

No! Cow says moo!

I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"

A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a funny joke." So the guy replies, "A guy walks into a bar..."" The bartender says, "Just stop and take your fucking drink!"

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

I had to give up my vegetarian diet.

Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

Why did 7 kill 11?

Because now 7 was even.

Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.

What do you call a gold digger?

A miner.

My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?

An animal abuse warrant.

You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?

Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.

Someone eats glue and tells the other, "Sorry, can't stick around!"

I like my women like my family, they’re related.

Do you know Candice?

Candice dick fit in your mouth!

Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?

A man walked into a zoo and there was only one dog.

He came out and said, "It was a shitzu."

What is Jack Frost's favorite mode of transport?

A Tri-cycle.