Worst Jokes Ever

I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"

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So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

I had to give up my vegetarian diet.

Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

Why did 7 kill 11?

Because now 7 was even.

Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.

What do you call a gold digger?

A miner.

My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.

What do you get when you cross a chicken and a horse?

An animal abuse warrant.

You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?

Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.

Someone eats glue and tells the other, "Sorry, can't stick around!"

I like my women like my family, they’re related.

Do you know Candice?

Candice dick fit in your mouth!

Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?

A man walked into a zoo and there was only one dog.

He came out and said, "It was a shitzu."

What is Jack Frost's favorite mode of transport?

A Tri-cycle.

She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed!

What is the difference between an American and an orphan?

They don't have a home to get their guns.

What's funnier than 24? 25!

What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?

He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”