Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
How many gears does a French tank have?
One forward and six reverse.
Why does Mario eat mushrooms?
Because he's a very fungi!
What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon!
Family are together playing charades.
Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!
Do you think Mars prefers Sour Orbiters sweet?
Orbiter: "Or bitter?"
Why can't blondes write comments on the jokes on this site?
Because they don't know what 2 X 4 is.
Worried I am dead.
I had a new "blonde parts expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire. The parts guy was assuming she didn't know about Planned Parenthood? .. 😂🤣
FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS
Why Should I Walk? By Iona Carr.
What Lonely Girls Should Do By Seymour Fellowes.
Unusual Window Decorations By Rod Curtains.
The Long Walk Home By Misty Bus.
Race to the Outhouse By Willie Makit and Illustrated by Betty Wont.
So this one time I saw Sally trying to get up after she fell off the swing, and I helped her up and she said "Thank you," and I said, "You're welcome." The next day I saw her legs and someone said, "I would not do that," and I said, "Whatever." I tapped Sally, and the top halve fell. I said, "WHAT HAPPENED TO SALLY?" And someone said she went in a minefield.
Welcome to Mississippi.
Hahaha, you have no PP!
The skeleton cancelled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart just wasn’t in it.
What can a mouse do?
He clicks.
Why did the strawberry cry?
Her mom was in a jam.
Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to eat Eminem. 🎤😎
I picked up a document, and I started to feel cold.
I looked down at the document, and it read "DRAFT."