Worst Jokes Ever
Like if your best friend has a dog.
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
What's 9 + 10?
21
I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.
Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."
Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.
You know what really gets me under my skin when I'm down? Sharpener blades.
I broke up with my girlfriend, so I stole her wheelchair, and guess who came crawling back.
An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."
If you were a food, what would you be?
Friend 1: "Pizza, cause I'm so cheesy."
Friend 2: "Chocolate chip cookie, cause I have lots of friends."
Me: "Donut, cause I'm so empty inside."
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso.
JK, bleach.
What's the difference between a maze and a depressed life? One of them you can find a way out of.
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
They say people are 75% water.
But I'm 100% useless.
Why can orphans travel around so much? They never get homesick.
How to fall down stairs.
Step 1. Step 2. Step 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
Life's too short to want it.
The twin towers were basically Angry Birds but in real life.