Worst Jokes Ever

How do you know when a football player has been to jail?

When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.

Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?"

Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."

Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff."

Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."

A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.

No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.

What did one iceberg say to the other iceberg as the Titanic went by?

"I'd smash that."

I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.

Autistic jokes have been very popular recently. In other words, I've been very popular recently.

Note to self.

When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".

Google "cream pie recipes".

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because his wife changed the WiFi password.

Real quick, I'm autistic, and if anyone asks, I absolutely love some of these jokes. XD I found this while doing some research for a paper.

Every zodiac sign has a hairstyle except for Cancer.

What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.

Why don't North Koreans like jazz music?

Because they don't have soul.

What did the orphan say to the crippled man?

I suffer from crippling depression.

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?

Why couldn't the astronaut put the helmet on his head?

Because he didn't have enough space.

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

A stego-sore-ass.

I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill, but before I did, I set his wheels on fire and called him "hot wheels."

White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?

Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!

Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?