Worst Jokes Ever
How do you get a depressed man out of the tree? You cut the rope.
What do you say before you jump off a building?
Parkour!
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?
An RCXD (remote control explosive).
Like this if one of your family members is emo!
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
roses are red, unlike the rest, I'm the one who has your IP address.
Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?
Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.
Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?
To take care of his erectile dysfunction.
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.
What do depressed people use for emotions online?
They use EMOjis.
What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?
There is no difference.
They both got split open by a huge log.
Why is Johnson's baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.
Why does the adopted kid like playing GTA? Because he wants to be wanted.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?
Matt.
I met a kid with Down syndrome the other day. He told me he was into rock music. He told me his favorite song was "Down With The Syndrome." Kinda drooled while attempting to sing it.
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain.
Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?
Because they always come out clean.
Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.