Worst Jokes Ever

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They stuck a plunger down the toilet.

What do you call a picture of an orphan?

A family photo.

Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?

Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)

Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.

Me: *Confused*

Sister: They're both horrible.

My friend Enyaw is gay, she is a cunt.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay now.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay.

I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.

Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?

To-do list.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Sometimes when I'm sad, I remember I have a big dick.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What did the plane say to the towers: "Can't go over it, can't go under it, oh no, we got to go through it."

I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.

I have an addiction to cheddar cheese, but it's only mild.

What is the difference between your dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.

I want to run. I go Iran, because I RAN, not IRAN, because it’s an Iran joke about the country, not the movement.

Which one fell first, the Emo Kid or the apple?

The apple, because the rope caught the kid.

Just buy emo grass, then you will never have to mow your lawn again.

If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!