Worst Jokes Ever

What are the similarities between a broken tire and me?

We were both caused by broken rubber.

So cinema.

Are you my friend?

Because I would make you more than that.

What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!

What's the difference between your mom and a troll?

Nothing, they both look the same.

Me: Mom, stop, you are not funny. You never make jokes.

Mom: I made you.

Where did the king put his armies?

In his sleevies.

My grandpa has the heart of a lion,

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

"Alex! We need to talk! Now!"

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

Do you know who Helen Keller is?

Neither did she.

What do orphans and apples not have in common? Apples get picked.

My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.

A cow in an earthquake is called a milkshake.

Your uncle Jack is stuck on the horse...

Would you help him jack off the horse?

Q: Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

A: Because all shows and movies have a cast.

Why do birds fly south?

Because it's too far to walk.

If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?

What did Jamie do after the sucky sucky?

He gagged!

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.