Best Jokes - Page 175 - Worst Jokes Ever

You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.

One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.

Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.

All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.

April Fools' joke: Go to an orphanage and say your parents came back.

Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.

Broccoli is like anal sex.

If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.

When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."

I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.

A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"

A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."

A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”

St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”