Worst Jokes Ever
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?
They both get really high.
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?
"Do you want the cameras on or off?"
For a golfer, Tiger Woods isn't very good of a driver.
Life is like a bag of jellybeans.
Nobody likes the black ones.
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.
What plate goes to Bikini Bottom?
Malaysia Flight 370.
What is the difference between Batman and Black Panther?
Batman returns.
I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.
Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.
Wanna play dolls?
I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.
What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?
Nothing, she was hung over.
What movie does an orphan hate?
"Spider-Man: Far From Home."
Why does everyone call me racist?
My shadow is black.
A kid asks Trump:
Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"
Trump: "There they are, bud!"
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.