Worst Jokes Ever
What is a terrorist's first move in chess?
C4.
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?
Usain finished the races.
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?
Why did the frog take the bus to work?
His car got toad.
"A friend with weed is a friend indeed."
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?
The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.
The gay couple was still packing their shit.
I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.
Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.
Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?
He got hearing aids.
How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
Either way, they’ll kill your dog.
What does a pregnant slave and a "pay less" sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
Your dad is so f**king fat that when he bends over and comes back up, it's the next day.
What do you get when you cross cow DNA with human DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.