Worst Jokes Ever
A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
Will my suicidal thoughts leave me too if I get attached to them?
Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:
Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?
You shouldn’t bully fat people.
They already have enough on their plate.
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
What game did Al-Qaeda play with the Twin Towers on September 11th, 2001? Jenga.
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
What were the terrorists on 9/11 thinking?
"We can't go over it." "Can't go under it." "We have to go through it!"
Q: What do you call an orphan's family tree?
A: A stump.
I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...
It was impossible to put down.
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.
Why is the orphan failing all his classes? He can't do homework.
Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor bastard.
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
What did the rope say to my depressed ass?
~ Hey, you wanna hang?
Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.