Worst Jokes Ever
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"
Josh: What’s the useless piece of skin around the vagina called?
Daniel: Isn’t it the women?
Josh: Oh yes, that’s right.
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
What's the emergency number, Jimmy?
Jimmy: 9/11!
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
They ordered a pepperoni pizza, but only got plane.
Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.
What type of tea do you drink with the Queen of England?
Royal-tea.
So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."
What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a computer?
I don't know, I have both!
If a girl jumps off a cliff, some people call it suicide and some call it girl power, but I call it BULLSHIT.
I feel sad because I went to an old man in a wheelchair while he was sitting next to a fire, and I screamed, "Hot Wheels!" 🤣
What is the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!
What's the difference between you and an orphan?
Nothing.
Why can't toilet paper cross the road? Because the toilet paper got stuck in a crack. 🤣🤣🤣
Jesus is a rock music fan.
Because he likes Nine Inch Nails.
Kid: I have the corona virus!
Nurse: Here is an ice pack.
What's white, black, and red all over?
A zebra who walked into a hunting reserve.