Worst Jokes Ever
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
Why do gay people like sports?
Because they get to play with balls.
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.
Class: No one stands up.
Teacher: Oh, c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *teacher waves her finger around the left side of the room.*
Little Johnny: *stands up.*
Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?
Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.
I don't see why people say emo kids never hangout.
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?
A-Mean-O-Acid.
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."
To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."
My mom was 19 when she was pregnant with me, My mom was 39 when she was pregnant by me!!!
The blind person can’t eat fish, it’s “sea food”.
Why is the orange so blind? Because it needs to take Vitamin C!
Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-
Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."
Orphan: And I took that, personally.
Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?
They wanted some chocolate balls.
Kid with Cancer: "When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer."
Nurse: *Laughs*
Kid: "Why are you laughing?"
Nurse: "When I get OLDER."
Proceeds to laugh.
I think one of my dads might be gay.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do when nobody's home?
Beat it.
How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?
Push?! He fell...