Worst Jokes Ever
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?
A-Mean-O-Acid.
Who are the fastest readers?
The pilots on 9/11. They went through six stories in 5 seconds.
The blind person can’t eat fish, it’s “sea food”.
Why is the orange so blind? Because it needs to take Vitamin C!
Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-
Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."
Orphan: And I took that, personally.
Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?
They wanted some chocolate balls.
Kid with Cancer: "When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer."
Nurse: *Laughs*
Kid: "Why are you laughing?"
Nurse: "When I get OLDER."
Proceeds to laugh.
I think one of my dads might be gay.
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do when nobody's home?
Beat it.
Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.
Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?
Son: Ok dad.
AFTER TEST
Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?
Son: Son?
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?
He does not like roasted vegetables.