Worst Jokes Ever

Son: Why is my sister’s name Paris?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.

Son: Thanks, Dad.

Dad: No problem, Quarantine.

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?

They both don't last a while.

Yo mama is so fat, she was the iceberg in Titanic.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."

~John F. Kennedy

What’s Helen Keller’s favorite game as a kid?

I spy.

Why can’t an orphan make a joke?

Dad jokes.

What do you call a one-legged Asian?

Tie Won Shoo.

Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.

How do you know someone is going to die?

He can't stop coughing. (coffin)

My brother when he sees a girl.

Why do orphans not build houses in Minecraft? Because they want it to be realistic.

How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?

It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Oh, you wanna die? I wanna die too!

Your mom and your dad.

*at school*

Nobody: Do you want nuts?

Me: Wait, you have some?

Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.

Me: :0