Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a man in the ground? A dead guy.
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
Dick.
How do you start an Ethiopian rave?
Stick toast to the ceiling.
How were tire swings made?
A tire said, "Goodbye world," and hung himself.
What kind of file turns a 5mm hole into a 3cm hole?
A pedo-file.
Funny jokes are like kids with autism.
They have special needs to make them.
Helen Keller was a pilot in 9/11.
What begins with F and ends with CK?
Fuck, I mean fire truck.
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian?
The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.
What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?
A tongue workout!
My girlfriend passed away recently.
At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.
Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.
I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?
Your Momma's so fat, the recursive function calculating her mass causes a stack overflow.
What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.