Worst Jokes Ever
What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."
What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.
An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.
Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?
Because the children kept calling me "daddy."
What do you call a retarded fruit?
Mentally in-pear-ed.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
What's the difference between a feminist and a pig?
There isn't one; they are both the same thing.
Yo mama so fat, NASA has a satellite orbiting around her.
What's the definition of total chaos?
A bus load of retards passing a magnet factory.
Two pedos are on the beach.
One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? She gagged and moaned.
Why do cheetahs always win?
Because they cheat!
Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?
They both have cum in it.
Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet all the koalifications!
What do you call a dwarf with borderline autism? Jimothy.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
Roses are red, violets are blue, your penis smells like stew, and I want to eat it too.
Roses are red, Justin Bieber is gay, But most importantly, You know de way.
Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."
A swan, a goose, and a penguin walked into a bar... I ducked.