Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"
When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?
You're so damn ugly that the robbers only go into your house to close the blinds.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
Why did the midget not go to bed?
He couldn't reach the bed.
What do you call a retarded fruit?
Mentally in-pear-ed.
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
I’m a clown...
And everyone knows.
Dad: How was your trip to the park?
Daughter: It was good until the man came along.
Dad: *gasps* Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened?
Daughter: He made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off...
Dad: Oh God, what next?
Daughter: Nothing, that was it.
Dad: Oh, come on! That wasn't exciting, make something up!
What do you call a plane with no wings?
Sally.
Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.
What is Trump's favorite snack?
Cheetos.
(Get it? He looks like a Cheeto!)
Adam and Eve had sex. It was paradise.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
"Wheel" all miss him, right?
Why does a duck have tail feathers?
To cover his butt-quack.
Three Nazis walk into a bar.