Worst Jokes Ever
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
Chuck Norris sneezed and sent 2 planes flying... on September 11, 2001.
You're so skinny, starving Ethiopians offer you food!
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Why do dwarfs love penis? It tickles their insides.
Why didn't the Twin Towers order cheese pizza?
They like pepperoni, not plane!
Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?
Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)
Where did Sally go during the bombings? Everywhere!
Why didn’t the parents bother looking for her? Because she was in the front and back yard in small chunks! 😂
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
NASA stands for "Nobody Already Seen Astronauts."
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
Are you a plane? Because I wanna be in control of you for a few hours.
Joe mama's so hairy when she went to the movie theater, the people thought she was Chewbacca!
Yo mama is so fat that Naruto couldn’t make enough shadow clones to surround her.
Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.
I hope Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, 'cause I need some parts for my go-cart.
I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."
Yo mama is so fat, she was the iceberg in Titanic.