Worst Jokes Ever
My version of the Roses are Red Poem in MW3:
I thought Soap could trust you. And so did I too. So WHY IN BLOODY HELL DOES MAKAROV KNOW YOU?!
My brother can't wait for spring... he wet his plants!
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Redundant.
Why didn't the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn't in it!
Did you hear about the dead artist?
Too many strokes.
Two Trojan warriors were patrolling the streets of Troy at night. It was finally time for their duties to be relieved. When they went back to their houses, one Trojan fell in a puddle. "Nitrogen!" The other called. And the other responded coldly, “Good night.”
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
What is the one feature an orphan kid's phone doesn't have that mine does?
A home button.
[God creating sharks]
God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.
Angel: Seems excessive but ok.
God: And make them mean as hell.
Angel: WTF y.
God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.
Angel:...
God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.
Angel: Why do I still work for you?
God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!
A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.
Where do Sith get their clothes?
At the Darth Maul!
What has 3 legs, 4 arms, and 5 heads?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!
What knight is never wrong?
Sir Tain.
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?
Dam.
I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!
We don't got sluts in the South, we got NATS: Nasty Ass Traveling Sluts.
I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.