Worst Jokes Ever
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
Me: Opens the window to get some fresh air.
Everyone else on the plane: 😟...😱
A man was taking a young child into the woods.
The young child said, "Mister, it's getting dark and I'm scared."
The man replied with, "How do you think I feel? I have to go back alone."
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
Race car backwards is race car.
Race car sideways is how Paul Walker died.
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
I'm fucking retarded.
What's the difference between a water bottle and Africa?
One has water; the other one doesn’t.
I am really gay. I just needed to confess this.
I get more care packages than Africa.
A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"
I walked towards him.
"I prefer slit," I said.
"Why?" He asked.
"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.
What's Africa's greatest sporting achievement? The 2018 World Cup...
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"
I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
My mom is a chemistry teacher.
Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.
Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
What did the wire say to the electrician?
"Stop twisting my nuts!"
So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."
I was going to tell you a cow joke...
But it's pasture bed time.