Worst Jokes Ever
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
What is a pedophile's favorite planet?
Uranus.
You also have to learn to say no. For example: “Would you like a piece of cake?” - “No, I would like two.”
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
What is the difference between an ISIS training camp and a school?
Don't ask me, I just fly the drone.
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
What do you call 8 x 3.14?
Octopi.
"Octo" means 8 and an octopus has 8 legs... so where did the "pus" come from?
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite song?
"Highway to Hell."
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.
God created everyone unique till he got to Asia, then it just went to copy paste, copy paste.
9/11 is like genders.
There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.