Worst Jokes Ever
An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
What does a cop say when they shoot ginger?
"Orange is the new black."
Why do Arabs hate chess?
Because the queen is allowed to move freely.
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
One day, Jim saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. He asked if he was an orphan.
The kid said, “Yeah, what gave me away?”
Jim said, “I don’t see any parents.”
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?
She was drunk.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
One's alive at the bottom.
What's even worse than THAT?
It eats it's way out.
Wait it gets worse...
It goes back for seconds.
Just one more I swear...
It fucks one of it's siblings at the bottom.
An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."
A homeless kid once said he will go home.
I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.
I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...
I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.
My grief counselor died.
He was so good, I don’t even care! 😂😂😂
I don't have a joke, I just have a friend named Jack.
You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
I like women's rights "jokes" because they're all facts.
Me: Why can't orphans play baseball? Friend: Why? Me: Because they can't find home.
What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?
They both take it in the back and go woop woop.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
It took me 9.11 seconds to realize.