Worst Jokes Ever
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
Confucius say, man who go through turn table is going to Bangkok.
The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight. Soon they will make up.
Some of the best comedians mimic people. I mimic my shadow.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
The lunch lady gave me only one carrot. I didn't carrot all.
Play dead, they said.
Wasn't too hard.
I've been dead inside for years.
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
What dinosaur loves music?
The velociRAPtor!
Stormtrooper: Hey Palpatine! Luke is Vader's son.
Palpatine: Knew it.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Get in the van, or I'll kill you.
Why did the cumulonimbus not show up for work?
Because it was on strike.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
I once did an exam on rainbows. I passed with flying colors.
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
Ya gotta hand it to short people...