Worst Jokes Ever
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
What is the difference between an ISIS training camp and a school?
Don't ask me, I just fly the drone.
What do you call 8 x 3.14?
Octopi.
"Octo" means 8 and an octopus has 8 legs... so where did the "pus" come from?
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
Why do Asians excel at math?
Because their dog can never eat their homework.
Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.
I would make a disabled joke.
But they never work.
I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?
Chocolate arm.
9/11 is like genders.
There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.
"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.