Worst Jokes Ever

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.

Class: No one stands up.

Teacher: Oh, c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *teacher waves her finger around the left side of the room.*

Little Johnny: *stands up.*

Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?

Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.

I don't see why people say emo kids never hangout.

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.

What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?

What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?

A-Mean-O-Acid.

At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.

On a related note, I suck at darts.

A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."

To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."

The blind person can’t eat fish, it’s “sea food”.

Why is the orange so blind? Because it needs to take Vitamin C!

Dad and Mom: -takes one look at Child-

Dad and Mom: "We don't want him."

Orphan: And I took that, personally.

Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?

They wanted some chocolate balls.

Kid with Cancer: "When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer."

Nurse: *Laughs*

Kid: "Why are you laughing?"

Nurse: "When I get OLDER."

Proceeds to laugh.

Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.

Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.

Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?

Son: Ok dad.

AFTER TEST

Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?

Son: Son?

A cow is an earthquake, it's a milkshake.

I went up to the blind kid and said, "Can you get that for me?" and he said, "I can't, I'm blind." And so I said, "I see."

What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.

Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.

"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.