Worst Jokes Ever
Dmitri! Where's my vodka?
What's black and long?
- The line at KFC.
Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?
He does not like roasted vegetables.
Are you a toaster?
Because I wanna take a bath with you.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What’s a skeleton's favorite instrument?
The trom-BONE.
What is another name for a stupid fish?
"Dum bass."
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
What do you call a dog that tells the time?
A watchdog.
I was going to buy a watch today, but I didn't have time.
How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?
Push?! He fell...
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving; you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"
Josh: What’s the useless piece of skin around the vagina called?
Daniel: Isn’t it the women?
Josh: Oh yes, that’s right.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
They ordered a pepperoni pizza, but only got plane.
Yo mama so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
What's the emergency number, Jimmy?
Jimmy: 9/11!
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.
What type of tea do you drink with the Queen of England?
Royal-tea.