Worst Jokes Ever
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
What is the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.
A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She choked.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute only has one crack, and has to wash it and sell it again.
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"
What does a Chinese man say to his partner when having sex?
"Ching Chong Soc Mai Ding Dong"
Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. “Dos, 1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 8.1, 10.”
Yo mama so ugly that she turned Medusa to stone.
If you humped a whale, it would humpback.
I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.