Worst Jokes Ever
They say nothing is impossible, but I've been doing nothing all day.
Why was 4 not impressed when 5 won a prize for 6?
Because 511472.
What's the difference between a white kid and a computer?
The child has no trouble shooting.
A blondie and a redneck jumped off a building. Which one will land first?
The redneck because the blonde will ask for directions.
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.
C'mon guys, 9/11 jokes are just plane wrong.
How do fish get to school?
On a octobus.
Lol.
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Crippling depression.
Crippling depression who--?
Me.
What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?
A pedophile.
What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck?
Incest.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"
Why was the Koala Bear so clever?
Because he had good koalifications!
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
Why is the sun mad at the clouds?
The clouds keep throwing shade.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.