Worst Jokes Ever

You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.

You were supposed to be born in the tree.

The sticks were your siblings.

A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest tits.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"

Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"

My grandpa said my generation relies too much on technology.

Then I unplugged his life support. :)

What brands do people in wheelchairs wear?

Michelin.

I bet emo kids are jealous when their phone dies.

What do a baby and a grenade have in common? They both make loud noises when thrown.

I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.

I guess it was a bad delivery.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, Here's hoping you do too.

Orphans are lonely.

What is Michael Jackson's favorite instrument? A small skin flute.

What's the similarities between dark humor and cancer?

It's funnier when kids get it.

Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?

Bullying orphans is like bullying the homeless kid; both cry when you make fun of their parents.

What do you call a Terrorist in a wheel chair?

RCXD in bound

Vegan Teacher the musical.

Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"

Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶

Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵

Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵

Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵

Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"

Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"

- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.

What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen.

"Another one bites the dust."

You sat on a chair with Uranus.