Worst Jokes Ever
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.
Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them? In case they bypassed the Milky Way!
If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
What happens when a furry takes over Nazi Germany?
The Furred Reich.
What do you call an army of disabled people?
Special forces.
Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.
Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?
A: A couch potato. HaHaHa
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."