Worst Jokes Ever
Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock?
So he could wake up inside.
What did the blind kid say after touching the emo kid’s hand?
“I ain’t reading all that.”
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
What do you call a stoned kid with Down syndrome?
A baked potato.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
I cannot believe Kelly Clarkson's music is considered pop! More like comatose music!
What’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
All these people on here making me wish I knew them IRL.
Americans: I will cook the pizza.
Italians: I cooka de pizza!
A young couple gets banned from church.
There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.
After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.
"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."
"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"
"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."
Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin, and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?
A black guy.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.
"White people can't jump..."
"You must not have seen the Twin Towers on 9/11."
What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common? There used to be 2, but now they're a sensitive topic...