Worst Jokes Ever
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
A man walks into a bar "Why am I so bad at Limbo?"
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?
All of them.
What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we watch through.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?
It goes right over their head.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?
Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
Why did the math book kill itself?
It had too many problems.