Worst Jokes Ever
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
The teacher asks, "Who is a Trump fan?" Everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher, all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?" Little Johnny says, "Because I'm not a Trump fan." The teacher asks, "Why are you not a Trump fan?" and Little Johnny says, "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so I'm a democrat." And then his teacher says, "So if your dad was an idiot and your mum was a moron, what would that make you?" And Little Johnny replies, "A Trump fan."
If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.
When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,
You respond: "cancer."
Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"
Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?
If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."
Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
Me- *crying in the shower*
Also me- *why is my toaster in here?*
Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"
He waited for three hours to get an answer.
His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."
What was Michael Jackson's favorite song?
"Touch Me (I Want Your Body)."
All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.
Heavier babies are delivered by crane.
I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.
In America, you fight Ukraine.
In Soviet Russia, you fight Mykraine.
When Little Johnny was about 3, he got curious and stuck his hand up a mannequin's pants. His mom says, "No, Little Johnny, there are teeth up there that will bite off your hand." Little Johnny thinks, "Oh no, I can't do that again."
A few years later, he was 15 and he had a girlfriend, and they were making out. She says, "Why don't you ever stick your hand up my pants?" He says, "Oh no, my mom says there are teeth that will bite off my hand up there." She says, "No, there isn't, just look!" Little Johnny looks and says, "Well, no wonder there ain't no teeth. By the way, them gums look..."
You look like something I drew with my left hand.