Worst Jokes Ever
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
What’s a homo police dog?
A gay-9.
Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.
While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."
So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
Your dad never needed a van for you.
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones.
A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite snack? His shoulder.
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
Your mama so fat, when Santa saw her he said, "Ho, ho, holy s***!"
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
I'd love it if you killed yourself, but Hitler killed himself and people still hate him...
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"