Worst Jokes Ever
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine.
If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.
I bought an orphan kid an iPhone.
Guess what? It had no home button.
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.
Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?
The quiet kid: Splosion.
Teacher: What comes after A?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
Teacher: Faints.
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
There are 206 bones in my body.
When I look at you, it becomes 207.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A liquor cabinet.
What’s an orphan’s favorite movie character?
Harry Potter.
If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.
Why are the Chinese bad at baseball?
Because they ate all the bats.
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
Why can’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.