Worst Jokes Ever
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
What's black and sitting in a chair? Steven Hawking after a house fire.
So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
Two boys are talking on the bus.
Boy 1: I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Boy 2: Hey, did you hear about that school shooting last week?
Boy 1: Oh, that's right.
Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."
What's brown and hurts your teeth?
A chocolate?
No. A baseball bat in my hands.
Why is the moon always hungry? It is almost never full.
What is the German word for constipation? Farfrompoopin.
In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.
So, a bear and a rabbit are in a field. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Does your poop stick to your fur?" The rabbit replied, "No." Then the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt.
What do lesbian vampires say after sex?
"See you next month."
What do you say to a pedophile at the beach?
Get out of my son!
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
How do u know Stephen Hawking is having a seizure?
He spills coffee on his iPad.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A bi-racial car wreck.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Why did they call off the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.
Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?
A: Wave at him.