Worst Jokes Ever
A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.
The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
I went into a dark basement with a flashlight, but then it died, but I was not scared. I was actually delighted.
What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?
She was fed up with the hole business.
My dad told me I'm a failure.
I failed a math test.
Good thing there's a pole outside my house.
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!
My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
Why are french fries rude?
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
I would tell you a science joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.
"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"
"It was only the Bass!"
Q: What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?
A: HeHe.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
You want a joke? My entire existence.
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
I had amnesia once... maybe twice.
Your face is a joke.
What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?
WATCH OUT!!!