Worst Jokes Ever

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...

Then IT hit me.

Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)

Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

I was on an orphan's website, but I pressed on his profile and realized he had no home page.

Today we had a test on September 11th in school. I got a 9/11.

Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.

I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."

Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...

I hope Stephen Hawking's an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-cart.

The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents, buddy."

How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?

When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.

"You're an orphan forever," - Harry Potter.

The S in America stands for safe.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

what came first, The apple or the girl? The apple, because the tree left her hanging :)

If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?

What is the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked!

I wanted another piece of pizza... but she said I could only have One Piece.

What do you call a cow in the snow?

Chilli Beef.