Worst Jokes Ever
The whole solar system is one big family, right? But everyone circles the sun.
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?
"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"
Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
So you're the one!
Did you hear about the gays that had a baby? It was a little shit
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.
Where do alien cows come from?
- The Milky Way.
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
A man is meeting a client in Japan, but arrives a day early. When night hit, he went out with a prostitute. They're having sex, but the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!", so the man thinks he's doing a good job. The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing, and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!". His client turns around confused and says, "What do you mean wrong hole!?"
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
Q: What's the best thing about fucking 28 year olds?
A: There's 20 of them.
Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."
So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?
A: Look in a mirror.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
What's white and comes in little cans?
Michael Jackson.
What did Cinderella do when she got the ball?
She gagged and took it like a champ.