Worst Jokes Ever
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
Why can't a T-Rex clap?
He's dead.
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.
What did the ocean say when it saw the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
Why can’t the T-Rex clap his hands?
Because he is DEAD.
Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?
A: A couch potato. HaHaHa
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they are dead.
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
Roses are red, violets are blue, this poem doesn’t make sense, washing machine.
If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!