Worst Jokes Ever

When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

What did one orphan say to another orphan?

"Get in the batmobile, Robin!"

You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.

What's the difference between a dad and the Twin Towers? The Twin Towers went black and never came back, and the dad was black and just didn't come back.

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.

I replied I'd get ink poisoning.

Wouldn't recommend, the police came.

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?

A headbanger.

What has eyes but can't see?

Potatoes, storms, and needles.

If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?

Why did the orphan fall out of the tree?

They thought their parents would catch them.

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

Yo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn’t fit.

What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!

What is the difference between apples and orphans?

The apples get picked.

It's always fun to take anti-depressants, you either choose to take one, or the whole bottle.

I don't struggle with depression- like, at this point, I have it down. I'm good at depression.

Why am I still alive?

Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...

Joe mama so fat, hello kitty said goodbye.

What is smegma name?