Worst Jokes Ever
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
Knock knock! Who's there? King Tut! King Tut who? King Tutty Fried Chicken!
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
Bin Laden promised 76 virgins to Al-Qaeda.
Instead, there was one 76-year-old virgin.
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good, so I told him so. My brother said to me, "At least I don't have to camp in order to get kills." I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills."
School reminds me of a penis. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
Q: Why did the two gate-builders start fighting?
A: Because they were fencing.
Crucifixion was the first T-pose.
How did I escape from Iraq, Iran?
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.
The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.
The French salute starts with your hands in the air.
The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.
I wanna die.