Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?

Unnecessary.

I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?

What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?

Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?

This would be much better if you were alive.

I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.

We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."

What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.

If there is a hair, the meat is ruined.

Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.

What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?

The “cold and passed out” kind.

How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What do you call a Mexican that hung him self? a pinata

Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."

Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.

What do you call someone with a pindie spot?

Stop screen recording.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

What's a pedophile's favorite type of shoe?

White Vans.

What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.

Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?

A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.