Worst Jokes Ever
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
What do you call an emo with no legs?
Emobile.
I was in math class, and we were learning geometry. My teacher said, "PENTAGON!" then all of a sudden, PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS, so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my education! 🤬
What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park in it, man!
Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!
Control tower to Boeing 747, you're clear to land on (said person)'s forehead.
Flat earthers are completely wrong. If the earth was flat, I would have yeeted myself off the edge years ago!
My fucking life, cya.
Sometimes my battery life has the same recognition as me :(
What is the difference between a dwarf and a midget?
Very little.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
Could a parking garage also be called a broom closet?
What's the difference between a black and a white fairy tale? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, "Y'all mutherfuckers ain't gonna believe dis shit."
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
What's the depressed person's favorite song?
Van Halen - Jump
Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.
A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.
I just left him hanging.
Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.