Worst Jokes Ever
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!
Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
Hippity Hoppity, women are property. (sans undertale)
Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
A starving homeless kid asks me for food.
I said, "sorry, my plate is full."
Kenny was into incest until his mom died.
Now he's into necrophilia.
What do you call a blind German? A Nazi (Not-see)!
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”