Worst Jokes Ever
So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.
The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope you're happy now.
What did the cow and bull do for their first date? - Dinner and a Moovie.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.
I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun that fell down the stairs.
What's black, white, and laughing?
The nun that pushed her.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes to the photographer, he shoots himself.
Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?
Yo mama so stupid, she hides behind a glass door when playing hide and seek.
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.
Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.
*knock knock*
Who's there!
Not Sarah.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?
The feminist is overweight.
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.