Worst Jokes Ever
What did the lawyer name his twins?
COURTney and CASEy.
Q: What do you call a shed full of black fellas?
A: Retired Farming Machinery.
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5
Your forehead is so big, your entire face is on your chin.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."
My friends: "What's your dream job?"
Me: "I'm going to die young :))"
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with $2.50, that fuckin' whore.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
He didn’t want to pay the gas bill.
Why did the wetback cross the river? To get to the US.
Papyrus ran headfirst into a windmill. Guess you can call him a bonehead.
What is the most popular game at the orphanage?
Need For Speed: Most Wanted.
POV: Someone stole Michael Jackson's baby: "He he stole my bab(y), he he."
Why did Helen Keller sign the n-word?
She thought she was black.
What’s the worst song to play in front of a vegetable? “James Brown - Get on Up”
What’s the worst song to play in front of a handicapped kid? “Van Halen - Jump”
What's the worst song to play in front of a black man in Minneapolis? “I Can't Breathe - Juice Wrld”
What sucks but doesn't suck?
Vacuums!
Why can’t Jesus eat M&Ms? They keep falling through his hands.
What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.
So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."
For all of my musicians out there!