Worst Jokes Ever
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman.
What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?
A: A virgin.
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't ever find home.
Why did Joey drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.
Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"
Today was a bad day. First, my ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
AIDS.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
Rape jokes are the funniest thing to ever exist.
"Guess how I got to Germany so fast?"
"Because I was Russian!"
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
What do you call an emo committing suicide while filming it?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
What's the best part about a dead hooker? The second hour is free!
A Karen is so stupid, she can't even cross the hairline!