Worst Jokes Ever
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.
What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
A blind man walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair... and the counter.
What do you call a lost Indian woman? Ms. Singh.
A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.
If Italy attacked France from the rear, would Greece help?
What's an emo person's least favorite game? Cut The Rope.
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
Old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.
Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.