Worst Jokes Ever

Did you hear about the blind prostitute?

Well, you gotta hand it to her.

What do you call a kid with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: "You mathematicians don't know your limits."

I love Muslims, they are great at parties!

They have the best fireworks.

My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.

Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.

Because it would cut itself.

I visited the 9/11 memorial, that was bomb just like the towers.

Scientists say I'm made up of 75% of water.

But after jumping in the ocean, it's 100%, just like my depression.

I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?

What is Osama bin Laden's favorite football team?

The New York Jets.

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....

What does an imouto ride?

Onii-san.

Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.

The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”

An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.

A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."

What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?

"Let us prey together."

What is brown and sticky?

A stick.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because he lost Wi-Fi connection.

So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar - just kidding.

A funny joke scenario.

Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?

Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.

Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.