Worst Jokes Ever
Why is a sick person and California similar? They tend to burn up.
Me and my stepmom went into the forest.
I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.
Teacher: Where's your homework?
Student: At home...
Teacher: What's it doing there?
Student: Having a better time than me.
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.
Get up, you lazybones!
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
"Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Why did the man say chickens were lucky?
Because they get killed and eaten.
Have you ever walked past Steven Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You follow the Fresh prints.
Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?
What do you call a cow that's beating his meat? Beef stroganoff!
Q: What do Burger King and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They put meat on five-year-old buns.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
God: “Steven, join us.”
Sees the staircase to Heaven.
Steven: “Ahh, fu-”