Worst Jokes Ever
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."
My father said I'm too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.
I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.
Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
A: To find Pooh!
Cousins make dozens.
What is the difference between light and hard? You can go to sleep with a light on.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
Yo mama is so fat, she takes her selfies in panoramic mode.
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German!
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
There was a power outage.