Worst Jokes Ever
An elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home.
The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game.
The man asks, "Is it your first time?"
The woman replies, "It's been a while since a man has asked me that."
Website: Submit a joke :-)
Me: My life.
I would tell you a milk joke, but it's whey too cheesy!
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
Them: You want some Lucky Harms?
Me: What are Lucky Harms?
Them: They're Lucky Charms, but instead of being magically delicious, they're magically malicious.
What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."
Yo mama so poor, she can't even pay attention.
When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."
What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.
The more emos there are, the less emos there are.
When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.
I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.
Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?
If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.
Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."