Worst Jokes Ever
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
What is the difference between R Kelly and Kelly Clarkson?
R Kelly hits on preteens, Kelly Clarkson hits on toddlers.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!
Do you wanna hear the gossip about butter?
Actually, I shouldn't spread it.
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
Why did the bum get a slap?
Because it was being too cheeky.
Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.
Pedophiles don't win races because they like to come in a little behind.
What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.
You want to hear some marriage jokes?
Don't worry, it's just a couple.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.
A girl and her brother are walking in their garden. POV: Brother. Sister: "Why are you cutting those flowers?"
Brother: "Because they're beautiful!"
Sister: "I thought you said you cut yourself because you aren't."
Brother:......
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy."
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.