Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
He's not really dead, his update failed.
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.
Why are we depressed? Is it because of that bully in your school, or because you have acne? How about when you listen to your sad song playlist? Maybe it's because you have no friends? Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake? T^T
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trom-bone 😂
My father said I'm too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."
A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."
<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*
Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."
Suicide gives you security for the future.
Decide the day of suicide and live with full joy till that day, and you can choose to postpone it.
Why couldn't Helen Keller eat her Big Mac?
She was too busy trying to read the sesame seeds.
Do you know Imagine Dragons?
Yeah.
Imagine dragon my nuts across your face.
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?
At least Hitler actually did something.
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."